A 20-year Love Affair with Words

Today on my 28th birthday, I invite you to celebrate an important milestone with me: 20 years ago, I received my first journal as a birthday gift and have been writing ever since.

“Are you writing about writing?” you ask. Yes, how Inception of me! Also, you read that right - I’ve been journalling for twenty (consecutive) years. I am currently writing my 64th journal this year and I plan to keep going as long as I can.

Here is my first ever entry, written 1 day after my birthday and co-authored by my friend Lauren. Pardon the grammatical and spelling mistakes!

That night was still the best, great, funny, and good birthday party of my whole life. Rainforest Café was amazing. (RIP 😢)

I moved house a few times while back in Hong Kong, and at one point I decided I can’t lug around 3 full boxes of journals anymore, so I spent 2020 scanning every single one of them. I would read the physical copy before recycling the paper. It’s incredible seeing my life evolve and progress in front of me, not only through the grammar and word choice but also the different topics covered, plus the increasing emotional complexity over the years.

I especially enjoyed looking back on the different crushes (!!) and friendships I had from various stages of my life. They have all become recurring characters that I grew very fond of. There were a lot of everyday moments that I have forgotten, too. Sometimes it was so embarrassing I was tempted to burn the whole thing, but it’s a testament on how much I’ve grown. Also a reminder to speak kindly towards myself.

Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I see that by practicing how to tell stories through writing in my journal all these years, I have been developing my own voice as a writer and learned to better structure my writing, no matter if it’s for an academic paper or a short film script.

“How did you keep on writing all these years?” you ask. “Doesn’t it get tiring after a while?”

I suppose what kept me going was the dream that one day I would show my grandchildren what life was like back at the beginning of the 21st century, or maybe I would one day write a book based on my journal entries (inspired by my favourite tween book series like The Royal Diaries and From the Files of Madison Finn). But in its essence, I write because it gives me a voice. It makes space for me to breathe. It got me through the most turbulent times growing up, and it has continued to keep me company during these anxiety-inducing, isolating years. My journal was a safe place to lay down my thoughts and feelings, and writing by hand helps me process events that happened until my insides feel completely cleansed.

I have tried going digital, but nothing compares to the feeling of putting pen to paper. I could only describe it as a transference of energy that goes from your brain to your hand to your pen to the page. You see how your handwriting has evolved as well, and I love running my fingertips over the grooves of my writing.

One of the most exciting aspects of journalling by hand is picking out a new journal, a ritual I eagerly look forward to: I would write my name and contact details on the inner cover in case I lose it (never did, I always keep it close by), then number the pages by hand. When the pages of the right-hand side got thinner and thinner, I would hunt for the next pretty cover in a shop - yes, beautiful cover art matters! Once I have found one that jumped out at me, I would take it home so I have a new journal to crack open upon finishing my old one.

My favourite journals so far are the Moleskine ruled hardcover notebook. They cost a pretty penny but it takes the whole experience to another level! Just look at this Alice in Wonderland illustration 😍

In recent years, as existential questions bubble to the surface with unnerving frequency, writing has become my spiritual practice and a vital way to connect with who I am at my core. When I journal and journal into the late hours of the night, only when I am completely honest with myself and look squarely into my reflection do I gain the most clarity about life and how to move forward. It has stretched me in my capacity to be more vulnerable in everyday interactions and on stage, and enabled me to practice self-compassion over and over again.

I hope as the years go by, this habit will bring me to new levels of expression and ultimately enable me to write the shows I want to share with an international audience. Journalling helped me feel less alone and more connected to the human experience, it’s a gift I would gladly pay forward. Can’t wait to document the next chapter in this journey!