Celebrate Your Wins Now
Hello! It’s been a little over a year since my last post. Sorry for being M.I.A. My Master’s was very intense but necessary for my artistic growth, so I’m glad I did it.
I’m glad I finished, too. It’s been a whirlwind of an academic year, and now I am transitioning to post-grad freelance life (technically I haven’t graduated yet; the ceremony will be in this September, but I digress). I started a part-time pub job near home; I’m enjoying getting to know the regulars and oh, I moved somewhere closer to the Tube! Game changer. I’m still learning how finances work in the UK, so once I have a better idea, I plan to write Part 3 in the Money Matters series.
These days I’ve been busy assembling my ‘actor’s toolkit’ before writing to agents: updating my headshots (both images above are by the talented Jennifer Chen) and finding showreel monologues, while applying to different opportunities for emerging theatre makers. My group Microfreaks presented 15 minutes of new material at The Cockpit Theatre this month and it was very well-received! Things are moving along even at this early stage, and I’m collaborating with fantastic friends, so life feels exciting and hopeful these days.
My diploma just came in the mail. It feels great yet odd to see physical evidence of a year of rollercoaster emotions and growing pains. I think back to the time I got turned down for a job because I didn’t have this piece of paper, and in hindsight, I don’t think it would’ve made any difference in my work ethic. Ah well, I have it now, to those who care.
I am pleased to say I am a Master of Arts in Collaborative Theatre Making (Distinction)! It’s a big deal personally, not because of the grade I got (although it doesn’t hurt), but in light of how much I paved the way to get here. So in this post, I thought I’d talk about celebrating our wins, and by extension, ourselves as individuals.
A few months ago, when I was going through some pre-30 panic, I listened to a podcast episode by Australian feminist Clementine Ford. She talked about what an achievement it is for women to get degrees in a society where we are conditioned to see marriage as the ultimate achievement. If you think about it, until a few decades ago women couldn’t have their own bank accounts or go to university! I’m nowhere near married, so this really put things in perspective. It’s actually a big fucking deal, this piece of paper, because I’m the one who did the work and it’s under my name!
I’m not the first one in my family to get a Masters. In fact, in my culture, you’re expected to get at least a Bachelor’s degree, and most of my cousins have Master's degrees. However, this degree feels truly mine for a few reasons:
It’s the opposite of an MBA (‘why are you paying so much to go into a field with zero financial returns?’) but I was clear on why I wanted to do it: to solidify my theatre practice, meet people in the UK arts industry, and get help for writing my one-woman show. Check, check, and check!
I studied Linguistics for my Bachelor’s, which I enjoyed, but if I had my say, I would’ve gone for straight for Drama. So this is the first degree that aligned with what I truly wanted 😍
I paid 100% for this course with no support from my family. That’s one year of international student fees and living expenses, and finishing with no student debt. Before moving to London, I took on extra gigs outside of my full-time job, all the while continuing to train by doing workshops, plays, and improv shows. Plus balancing social life, hobbies, sleep, meal prep, and laundry while living on my own. I still have savings now in the bank to keep me afloat. I’m not rich but sustaining myself for this long is pretty incredible.
I quietly auditioned for drama schools for 4 years and I was so devastated by the end of 2021 that I almost didn’t apply again. But I found my programme this time around and the rest is history.
I’m telling you this because I hope you will celebrate the biggest win of my life so far with me. I honestly couldn’t have done this without friends and mentors keeping me sane 😊
My default wiring has always been being hard on myself, and I think it’s cultural because parents don’t want to inflate their children’s egos with praise and risk them feeling disappointed when they fail. But over time, that transformed into a sense of ‘I’m never good enough’, and internalizing that is counter-productive at best, damaging at worst. To counter this, my friend Laura and I started a tradition where every Sunday we text each other our ‘weekly win’, no matter how seemingly insignificant. It ranges from ‘I turned down a social invite so I can let myself rest’ to ‘I ran a half marathon!’ (She did, not me).
Since finishing my dissertation, I wrote down concrete things I did each month to prepare for acting work, e.g. read 3 monologue compilations and 4 plays, got my friend Josh to audit my website (he’s super clear and helpful, tell him I sent you if your website needs a look over), and networked with customers I met at the pub. Even though I haven’t gotten an agent or any acting jobs yet, I can measure my progress and remind myself that this is all part of the plan.
One of the biggest takeaways from my Masters is the idea of process over outcome. To a certain extent, it feels like BS sometimes because how will people give me the job if they don’t see evidence of my achievements? I think it’s a balance of defining yourself less by your achievements and more by the growth in your day-to-day life.
My friend Agnes is amazing at reminding me how I’ve progressed whenever I cry about feeling behind in life or feeling like I’m back to square one. I can’t emphasize enough how important it is, especially if you’re in the arts, to surround yourself with people who believe in you, value you as a person, and remind you of your strengths. These people have taught me to cultivate a practice of recognizing what we do well instead of beating ourselves up for things we have yet to achieve or improve on.
So celebrate your wins now, because trying and failing counts, and a piece of paper matters just as much as getting a partner, house, or baby.
(Also, keep a bullet point list of things you’ve done in your current job so you don’t waste time battling imposter syndrome while writing a cover letter. You’re welcome.)
